Kryptonite
by toujourspret
Summary: slight shonen-ai--Hiiro's not quite the stone that a lot of people think he is. He's human, too! He takes a walk in the garden of the team's recent safehouse to think about love, liberty, and life in general.


Kryptonite  
-----------  
Song by Three Doors Down  
Fic by rinoastar  
-----------  
Disclaimers/Warnings: Slight shonen-ai (1+2/2+1, 3+4/4+3, 5+Trieze (or   
Zechs, however you want to interpret it.)), angst. I don't   
own Gundam Wing. I just like to watch it! Song by Three   
Doors Down.  
-----------  
  
I took a walk around the world   
To ease my troubled mind  
---  
Duo frowned at Hiiro when he slammed his laptop  
closed. "Where 'ya going, Hii-chan?" he asked.  
"Out, " came Hiiro's short reply.  
"When'll 'ya be back?"  
"When I damn well feel like it, " Hiiro snapped  
and walked out of the door.  
---  
I left my body laying somewhere  
In the sands of time  
---  
Hiiro wandered into the neat little backyard of   
their current safehouse. It was decorated tastefully   
by Wufei in the traditional Chinese Garden style. In its  
center, a beautiful topiary that Quatre had hand-grown sat.  
The little blonde had been so proud when the orchids had  
finally bloomed within their glass shell.  
Sometimes Hiiro wondered what it would be like   
to be someone like the other pilots. Cheerful and emotional,   
like Duo. Brave and intelligent, like Trowa. Kind and   
innocent, like Quatre. Determined and sure, like Wufei.  
He couldn't see himself as that type of person. Sometimes,  
along with the rest of the world, Hiiro wondered if he really   
even was a person.  
---  
I watched the world float   
To the dark side of the moon  
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah  
---  
Hiiro never bothered to ask himself why he fought.  
He remembered the answers the other pilots had given in   
response to the same question.  
'I want revenge, ' Duo had stated, tears brimming   
over in his amethyst eyes. 'I want revenge for the people  
they took from me.'  
'I haven't a life. Who better to fight, than a   
nameless nothing? Why make people who matter die, when I   
can do it?' Trowa had returned with a question of his own.  
Quatre's aqua eyes had filled with tears to hear it.  
'That's not true, Trowa. You do matter to   
somebody, ' he had placed a warm hand on the tall boy's   
arm. It made Hiiro's insides burn to hear something so  
caring directed at someone who needed it so badly.  
'I fight so no one else has to, ' Quatre had   
answered softly.   
'I fight for justice, ' Wufei had given the expected  
answer. 'I fight for Nataku, ' he had added in a hoarse  
whisper. 'Meiran.' Hiiro wondered if he would ever care   
for anyone the way Wufei had for his wife. The young man  
was in the prime of his life and was still mourning Meiran.  
---  
I watched the world float   
To the dark side of the moon  
After all I knew it had to be   
Something to do with you  
---  
Two people confused Hiiro more than he dared think  
about. Duo, his cheerful, eternally energetic roommate,  
and Relena, the obsessive, yet persitant girl that was in   
love with him.   
Relena was pretty, smart, kind, and innocent. She  
was everything he wished he could be. Duo was always   
teasing him about her adorations. Who in his right mind   
could refuse the Queen of the World?  
On the other hand, Duo confused him in a different  
way. His feelings for Relena could be interpreted fairly  
well, but Duo was another boy! Boys weren't supposed to  
feel this way about other boys!   
Hiiro knew that one day, if they all lived through  
the war he would have to choose. However, until that day,  
he decided not to make a choice. That way, if something   
happened to any of them, it would be easier on all of them.  
Plus, it would give him time to sort out his feelings.  
So for the time being, he would try to ignore the  
pained expression on Relena's face when he dismissed her,  
and the confusing flutters in his stomach when Duo   
sighed his name in his sleep.  
---  
I really don't mind what happens now and then  
As long as you'll be my friend at the end  
---  
Although he tried to deny it, the comeradery between  
the pilots was so strong it was almost tangible. Still, he  
often lay awake at night, wondering what would become of   
them when their duty was fulfilled.  
Duo would probably move back to L2, likely to open  
a scrap compound with Howard and maybe even Hirde. Hiiro  
disliked this Noin look-alike, and he didn't know why.  
It probably had something to do with the way she always  
had Duo's undivided attention.  
Trowa would go back to the circus with Kathrine.  
There was no doubt in Hiiro's mind about that. Trowa   
belonged at the circus, with his wild lions that he loved  
so much. At times, it seemed that Trowa was one of the  
graceful creatures. Wild and beautiful, yet dangerous.  
Quatre had obligations to fill on L4. His father's   
shoes were a big pair to fill, but Hiiro knew Quatre could  
handle it. Family was very important to the Arab boy.   
Hiiro could see him raising a family with a lovely young   
lady. He wished them the best.  
Still, there was a possibility that Quatre could  
end up with Trowa. The tall boy was oblivious to the  
tiny blonde's longing stares and gentle guestures. In   
turn, the small boy was unaware of Trowa's fierce   
protectiveness over him, and the two made quite an adorable  
pair.  
Hiiro wondered how at least three out of five of   
them had ended up being 'gay. ' He hated the word. In   
fact, he was almost certain that the three of them were   
bisexual, not completely homosexual. Trowa had explained  
it to him once.  
'When you've been through as much as we have, gender  
suddenly stops mattering as much as it did, ' the lanky  
pilot had said quietly to him. Trowa rarely said anything,  
but when he did, it was always important.  
He chocked the entire thing up to an article he'd   
read somewhere. It had stated that when a young male  
put in a close area with another for an extended period of  
time, they had a chance of becoming 'confused. ' Especially  
when it occurred before or during puberty. It had been   
called 'post-war syndrome, ' and had been rumored to have  
been studied in A.D. 1990-something.  
Wufei. He could not see a future for Wufei. No   
matter how hard he tried, it would not come. Wufei was a   
match, struck quickly and used just as fast. He was bright,  
powerful, and dangerous. If he continued at the rate he was  
going, he would burn out before he even had a chance to  
make a difference.  
Hiiro saw no future for himself, either. All he   
knew was war. He had seen nothing else, had lived nothing  
else. He was a soldier. The Perfect Soldier, as he had been  
dubbed by the scientists. He knew it was just a name, but   
when he recieved the e-mail from them stating that they had  
changed his codename, it made him angry. He felt as if being  
the Perfect Soldier was the only thing they knew him for.   
He wanted to be more. He wanted to so badly, but didn't know  
how.  
---  
If I go crazy then will you still  
Call me Superman  
If I'm alive and well, will you be  
There holding my hand  
I'll keep you by my side   
With my superhuman might  
Kryptonite  
---  
All his life, Hiiro had been kept away from things.  
Duo would tease him constantly about his upbringing, how   
he'd never been to a movie before, how he'd never been kissed,  
how he'd never really done anything just for fun. He didn't   
understand that that also meant that he'd never been hugged,  
never been told how important he was. He never assumed that  
maybe Hiiro didn't know what he was missing.  
---  
You called me strong, you called me weak,  
But still your secrets I will keep  
You took for granted all the times   
I never let you down  
---  
Hiiro secretly hated responsibilities. He hated having  
the fate of the entire free world rest on his thin shoulders.  
If he ever let them down, he knew, he would become the worst of  
villains. It was depressing to think that if he made even the  
tiniest of mistakes, the earth and the colonies would burn him  
at the stake.   
What he hated even more than that was the sad look would  
appear on Duo and Quatre's faces when the news came on. Flashy  
banners would streak across the television screen, saying things  
like, "Gundam Pilots Murder 1,000 Today, " or "Do YOU Support the  
Gundams? Keep These Radicals Out of Space." Hiiro wanted to   
smash the television set into splinters, and would have if it   
would keep the ungrateful colonists from saying more. Hypocrites.  
---  
You stumbled in and bumped your head,   
If not for me then you'd be dead  
---  
The colonists were ungrateful, in Hiiro's opinion. The  
five of them worked constantly toward peace, only to have to   
build it up again the next day. It was like busy ants storing  
food for winter only to have a pestering gardener, who didn't   
know what he was doing, wash their home away.  
It was times like these that Hiiro really hated   
Lady Une's choices. The death of Mr. Dorlian was a very big   
tragedy, and Hiiro wasn't about to pretend that it wasn't.   
Dorlian had preached the very things they were. He was   
influential and would have been a real help to their cause.  
Damn Lady Une. Damn OZ, making everything harder.  
---  
I picked you up and put you back  
On solid ground  
---  
There were so many deaths that were regrettable. One  
that wasn't was Duke Dermail. Hiiro smirked to himself and   
thought of a joke Duo had told Quatre after they described Dermail  
and his granddaughter.  
'I'll get you my pretty, and your Grandfather, too!'   
Duo had cackled. At first, no one had gotten the point, but   
Duo persistantly dropped hints until Trowa finally   
pointed it out.   
'Dorothy. Wizard of OZ, ' Trowa almost smiled.  
Hiiro almost smiled at the comment, now. Duo had a quick wit,  
and knew of a lot of American history. At one point, he made   
a joke about Wufei that no one had caught onto until a month   
later.  
'This from the guy who thinks Julia Roberts movies are   
biographies of himself!' Duo had snickered. It had taken a   
month of research, but finally Quatre had discovered a 20th   
century movie called "Sleeping With the Enemy." He procured  
a copy, promptly whapped Duo across the forehead with it, and   
gave it to Wufei. Who, in turn, paled and didn't speak to   
them for a week.  
---  
If I go crazy then will you still  
Call me Superman  
If I'm alive and well,   
Will you be there holding my hand  
---  
Hiiro hesitantly reentered the safehouse. Duo was still   
sprawled across the couch, but snoring loud enough to wake the   
dead. He walked down the hallway toward his room, intending to  
go to bed. As he passed the kitchen, he noticed that the light  
was on.   
Hiiro ducked his head into the kitchen and saw Quatre  
at the table. A scrapbook was displayed in front of him, and   
the tiny blonde was crying. Hiiro almost left, but Quatre looked  
up.  
"Don't worry. I'm alright, " Quatre smiled, wiping his  
eyes. He guestured to a nearby chair. Hiiro sat down and looked  
at the pictures.  
"Who's that?" He pointed to a beautiful woman holding  
a young girl, with several more in the background.  
"That's my mother, " Quatre gently traced the edges of  
the photo.  
"She's pretty. Do you miss her?" Hiiro nodded.  
Quatre sadly shook his head. "I've never met her. She  
died giving birth to me. The girls are my sisters. "  
Hiiro was at a loss for words. He'd always thought of   
Quatre as untouchable. A distant angel that couldn't be peirced  
by Earth's pain.  
"Do you miss your mother, Hiiro?" Quatre bit his lower   
lip. Hiiro shook his head. "Why not?"  
"I never met her. I was raised by J. "  
"How horrible!"  
Hiiro mutely nodded. "I'll leave you to your peace.   
I'm going to bed, " he said as he stood up.  
"Hiiro, " Quatre started. Hiiro looked down at him and  
nodded. "Don't tell the others what I told you tonight, please?"  
"I won't tell if you don't tell that I talked to you, "  
Hiiro's mouth turned up at the corners. He left the room,   
carefully closing the door behind him. The dark hall loomed   
ahead of him. At its end, the familiar sound of Wufei meditating   
was heard. The light bells he chimed as he sat on the floor were  
sweet with unnatural peace.   
He opened the door just a bit and peered in. Wufei had  
fallen asleep meditating. It was kind of cute, because Wufei  
was just as rigid asleep as he was awake. A small framed   
photograph lay next to him. The picture was of Meiran, Hiiro  
knew. He closed the door again and left Wufei to his peace.  
Hiiro turned around to go to his own room when he   
noticed that the door to Quatre and Trowa's room was open.   
Trowa was curled into a fetal position, clad only in pajama pants.  
His sheet had slipped off of him and the moonlight shone on  
his bare back. It was striped and criss-crossed with long,   
jagged scars. None of them ever asked Trowa about his past,   
and Hiiro understood that this was as close as he was probably  
going to get to finding out.   
Trowa cried out softly in his sleep and shuddered away   
from the gentle moonlight. A slendar, yet strong hand reached   
over his dark shoulder and pulled the blanket back over his   
abused back. Hiiro didn't know what had happened to the tall   
boy, but it had been bad. He slowly backed away and went  
into his own room.  
Hiiro shared his room with Duo. Duo's side of the room  
was a mess. Manga covered the floor and bed, and clothes were  
draped across the bed. A gun lay partially submerged under a   
pile of clothes, a reminder of the war they fought. Hiiro  
carefully lifted it and put it away.  
His own side of the room was neat and orderly. It   
looked as if no one was living there. Perfect. Just like he  
was. Growling, he folded back the sheets on his bed. There  
was nothing he could do about the nickname, even if he couldn't  
live up to it.  
---  
I'll keep you by my side   
With my superhuman might  
Kryptonite  
Yeah!!  
If I go crazy then will you still  
Call me Superman  
If I'm alive and well, will you be there  
Holding my hand  
I'll keep you by my side   
With my superhuman might  
Kryptonite  
---  
~OWARI~  
Like it? Hate it? Give me feedback either way!  
I wanted to do a serious fic about the way Hiiro might feel. Just because  
he acts like a rock doesn't mean he is one! Anyway, I was listening to the  
radio and this song just reminded me of him. Don't you agree? 


End file.
